Our Love Story

I thought since our 2 year wedding anniversary is Tuesday I would blog about our love story! This just might be my most favorite post; I will try to keep it short : )

We met in 7th grade. I know, I know, we were super young! We were best friends all through high school, then we finally started dating our Senior Year! We had one of those he was dating someone when I was single and I was dating someone when he was single kind of things going on. It actually ended up working out for the best because when we finally did become more than just friends, I knew I could truly trust him. He had proven his loyalty time and time again during our friendship.

It wasn't until I ended up in the hospital after a bad car accident and the end of a relationship he was in that our love story could truly begin. God had brought us through so much and our paths finally crossed at just the right time. God's timing is everything. I had made it through a horrible wreck. I was an 18 year old kid, and I was legitimately worried I would never find the one for me. Now I look back at that time and realize how blessed I am that God brought Michael and I together when we were so young. I was reading Captivating, and 2 months later was actually not searching for a boyfriend. I wanted to be focused on my relationship with God and His plan for my life.

Well it's just like they say, as soon as I officially stopped looking Michael began pursuing me. Since we began dating at such a young age, we knew we had a long road ahead of us. We both wanted to go to college and get jobs before we were married. Was it hard watching friends get engaged and married before us? Absolutely! It was especially difficult when some of our friends were getting married after only dating for a year or two. While the emotional side of me wanted to marry Michael much earlier in our relationship, I knew God's timing would be best. I wanted His plan for our lives. It was also an early lesson in patience, which I am now quite thankful for. So we dated all of college. One week after graduation, he PROPOSED! That may have to be another post, because this one is getting kind of long. We were finally engaged! I was the happiest girl in the world! After 6 years of dating, we were wed on July 23, 2011. It was the most magical wonderful day ever! Michael was finally my husband, and I couldn't wait to start our lives together! We went to the Dominican Republic for 8 glorious days, and we couldn't have been happier to finally be married. I will have to write separate posts for proposal, wedding, and honeymoon! As our anniversary approaches, I realize I have so much to be thankful for. I am so proud of the man he is. He is a great husband, coach, teacher, son, and friend. He reminds me to stop, slow down, and enjoy life. He makes me smile. He is my rock, and he is still my best friend. Nothing melts my heart more than watching him play with the 3 year olds we teach on Sunday mornings : ) I know he will be a great daddy one day. Until then I am so grateful for our marriage and our wonderful life that God has given us. I look forward to many more years with my sweet husband.

Trying to be a Mary in a Martha World

From the first time I ever heard this Bible story (I was probably 5 maybe younger) I knew I was more like Martha. As I grew up, I didn't really see anything wrong with being like Martha. I knew that being more like Mary would be better, but my Type A personality was much geared towards Martha tendencies. Then the pressures of being a Martha became too much, and I spiraled out of control (but that is a story for another time). Now at 26 I fully realize and appreciate the beauty and value and importance of being a Mary. I truly want to be more of a Mary than a Martha, but it is difficult. It is especially difficult when I see friends, TV shows, family, and all sorts of ladies who seem to have it all together. They have a great house with beautiful decorations. They work, cook, clean, AND take care of children. While most of my friends don't have children, some do. With or without children, they appear to have such productive, organized, decorated, and well-managed lives. When I see this in the lives of friends and family, it makes me feel that I need to turn into a Martha and get busy making my home and life productive, organized, decorated, and well-managed. I can easily become distracted with cleaning, cooking, and projects just like Martha was the day Jesus came to visit. Well this week the Lord truly got my attention in His perfect way.

While last week was great getting things unpacked and organized around our new house, I knew that me finding a job was a higher priority. When the Lord granted me a wonderful opportunity for a new Job Wednesday, I gladly took it. I am so blessed for his provision. The only thing is that now I have less time to do all the stuff to make our new house feel more like our home. Since I worked Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, I knew that today would be a day of work. Michael and I woke up and pretty much went straight to the garage to start working. While we had a wonderfully productive day of unpacking and organizing, when I took some time this evening to do my devotional these were the first two lines: SEEK MY FACE, and you will find all that you have longed for. The deepest yearnings of your heart are for intimacy with Me. WOW! Is that crazy or what? Then a few lines later I read this: Do not feel guilty about taking time to be still in My Presence. Again - Oh my goodness! Finally I read this: To follow me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your desire to please other people. I really thought at that moment that my devotional book was written just for me. The Lord knew that I needed to read those words today. He set everything into motion back in April when a good friend told me about this book. I was amazed. God is so incredible and SO patient with me. When I keep my focus on Him he will give me all the desires of my heart, but more importantly I must let go of trying to please/impress everyone around me. While some competition is healthy in certain areas of life, competition does not need to be the driving force for every aspect of life. I also realized if I stopped trying to be like others and please others, some of my "wants" would go away. I only want what God wants for my life. I want to spend more time simply enjoying God's presence instead of worrying about cooking, cleaning, and decorating all the time. Those things are good, but I want to seek God above all else. I am also so much more relaxed when I am being more like Mary. While it is not easy to be a Mary in a Martha world, the outcome of a Mary life will be much more of a blessing than one could ever humanly imagine. So with God's help, I want to work on being more like Mary and less like Martha. We must not be afraid to be different from other people. The path God has called you to travel is exquisitely right for you. The more closely you follow God's leading, the more fully He can develop your gifts. My God is so good to me. I am humbled by His love and patience with me every day.

Two Years Later

While I am trying to find a new job, I am also in the midst of moving to a new home with my wonderful husband. Can I just say that I HATE packing?! Our house is in total chaos! My husband, who hates packing even more than me, has been so good about helping me. I just have to realize that this is a slow process. While I would like us to work all day and have everything in boxes in a short amount of time, Michael reminds me this is simply not possible. He is always good about bringing me back to reality. I have to accept that we are human, and we do get tired. I just hate that unfinished feeling. BUT I am learning to deal with it. During these breaks from packing, we have had some very productive conversations about how living in our new house will be. While we have been married almost 2 years, we have never lived in a house with so much space. We have currently been living in a small townhouse that is a little on the outdated side (OK really outdated! BUT I am thankful we had a home!). Michael moved every year that he was in college, so last summer when our lease was up he didn't want to move. We signed on for 1 more year. While I am grateful we had a place to live, there are multiple things about it that drive me crazy. I have very little counter/cabinet space in the kitchen. We share 1 small bathroom. Our bedroom is quite tiny. Then there are the issues with the plumbing and the A/C unit and the unsafe neighborhood. Needless to say I am ecstatic about moving next week! I guess that's the other reason why I am so ready for the packing part to be over. Michael has worked so hard to give me a home that I love and feel safe in; I just can't wait to live there! It amazes me how much he still tries so hard to make me happy after almost 8 years of being together! I am one blessed girl! Speaking of being together our two year wedding anniversary is coming up! I am thinking about blogging about our love story. I truly do love this man so much! His love for me makes me want to work even harder at making this a great marriage. With that said, we had a conversation about bathrooms last night. While it did get a little heated, it was good for us to talk about it. Too often I keep things in my head, like expectations for us, and then make a decision without really communicating. So the conversation of bathrooms came up last night. In the new house, we will have 2 full baths. In my head I was super excited. I thought I can have 1 bathroom, and he can have the other. My bathroom can be super girly and cute and most of all clean. Now this is not to say Michael is not clean, but if you are married you know that "girl bathroom clean" and boy bathroom clean" are two different things! So I simply expected that we would have our own bathrooms. When this actually came out of my head in our conversation, Michael was not happy about it. I was shocked. I thought it was such a great idea. Then he proceeded to explain to me that if we couldn't learn to share a bathroom, how would we learn to share other parts of our lives. It made sense. My husband really is so wise. I know I need to be less selfish and more willing to share. The conversation may not have begun well, but it certainly did end well. I love how patient my husband is with me. I am now even more excited about us living together in our new home!

God's Timing

I never realized how amazing the 23rd Psalm is until recently. Not only are the actual words amazing, but if you're like most of the people I grew up with this is THE verse to learn as a child. Now this may not have been the case for you, but I remember growing up and this verse was everywhere. Even today I meet people who can pretty much quote this verse. I think it's incredible that this is the verse that adults chose to teach to children time after time. Maybe it's a coincidence, but I think it was taught with a divine purpose. If you really pay attention to the words and don't take them for granted, this verse can pretty much guide any teenager and/or adult through all of life's phases. To me that is remarkable.

Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still
waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of
righteousness
For His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through
the valley of the shadow
of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and your staff, they
comfort me.
You prepare a table before
me in the presence of my
enemies;
You anoint my head with
oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy
shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the
house of the Lord
Forever.

God is so good. My words are not even enough to express just how great and awesome our God is. This chapter in Psalm is more profound than I ever realized. I think I most certainly took it for granted every time I read it and heard it. I didn't really pay attention to the words. This is just one more example of how a person can look at the same verse and discover something new with time. God showed me this verse last week. The burden of searching for a job and dealing with rejection was weighing heavy on me. Honestly it has been weighing heavy for over a week. I had been doing so well and had been able to rest in God's peace and joy for a couple of months. Then last Wednesday I just lost it. I received another email explaining the school decided to go in another direction. I was crushed. I allowed worry to come in. It was an ugly break down. Even though I began to doubt, God never left my side. He is just too good to me. While I am still taking it just one day at a time, I know I must rely on God and keep my focus on Him. When He showed me this verse, I almost missed everything AGAIN. Thankfully God helped me to pay closer attention. In the very first line He pretty much sums it all up. As a writer, I appreciate the great topic sentence. God is so smart! The first verse tells us that we will not have to want for anything. God will provide! We just have to depend on Him and be good with his timing. If we trust Him there really is no need to worry. With the next few verses, we read how His peace will bring good, pleasurable things into our lives. He goes on to remind us that in times of weakness and trouble He restores us. Only God can make us truly better when we are down or going through life's trials. Then there is the verse that has even been featured in some secular songs. It may seem that death and destruction are upon us, but with God we have NO reason to fear the evil of this world. God is not only our provider but our protector, as well. He provides, protects, and comforts. We are weak, and when we humbly admit this God WILL comfort us. There is nothing more comforting than His peace. Then we get to the really good part. I mean all of this is good, but this next verse is certainly the climax. If we trust and obey God, He will give us exceedingly abundantly more than we could ever imagine. How amazing is that?! Then it gets even better, because our God is just that awesome! While on earth He grants us His goodness and mercy as we trust Him and wait for His timing. Then we get to spend FOREVER with our Lord and Savior. He is our hope and our future! I am just blown away by how incredible this one chapter is. With all of this said, I know I must rely on God and trust Him, NOT me. I can do nothing without Him. God created me for a purpose. I want to listen and find out what that purpose is. I look forward to the work that God is going to do in my life. I know God's timing is way better than my timing. I am so thankful for the 23rd Psalm. I want my life to glorify God. These verses can be an amazing guide, if we let them.

A Legacy

 

 

 

Many great things have happened in the last 2 years that I could have never imagined happening so quickly. Sometimes it truly does seem like it was yesterday that Michael and I were planning our wedding. I am amazed at how much has been accomplished in a relatively short amount of time. I have so much to be grateful for.

 

Michael and I have learned so much about each other, which I kind of didn't think would be possible since we met in 7th Grade at Providence Christian School. I have learned it is ok to ask for help. That is a big one for me for two reasons. I like control, and I don't like to inconvenience others. I have not only learned more about Michael, but I have learned more about who I am with Michael's help and support. I am thankful for his love and patience in my life.

 

I am also grateful that one day before our wedding I received THE CALL. I was officially going to be a teacher. God's timing really is amazing. I was thankful for the job and the opportunity to meet some amazing young people that I believe in with all my heart. With hard work and determination, they will be successful. I am proud of them, and I miss them.

 

I am proud of my brother Chris as well. Two years ago I could not imagine him married and about to move in to his very own house. I am thankful that he found Courtney through God's guidance. He is such a hard worker just like our dad. I am so happy for Chris and Courtney. I know God will bless their new home.

 

I am so extremely proud of the "little ones" as I will always call them. They are otherwise known as Nicholas, Michael, and McKenna. I love them more than words can express. I am excited to see what God will do in and through their lives as they graduate high school and enter into adulthood.

 

Then there is my beautiful sister Christina. It really wasn't until the months leading up to my wedding that she and I became closer like I had wanted for so long. I was not quite 2 when Christina and Christopher were born. For the longest time, it seemed like Christina was my shadow. She would copy me and follow me, and BOY was that annoying. I never understood why. Mom tried to tell me she wanted to be like me. I didn't get that. Christina is gorgeous. Christina is smart. Christina is fun and out going. Christina is athletic. Christina is generous. Christina is spontaneous. When someone is all those things, why would they want to follow me around? Well being the independent individual person I am, I simply never understood it. I am thankful that we are getting closer as we grow older. I look forward to our children being the best of friends. Speaking of children, Christina is expecting my parents' first grandchild. I am so happy for her. She is glowing all the time. I simply can't wait to hold my baby niece.

 

These past 2 years God has brought jobs, marriages, a house, and a baby (well in August) into our lives. I am so grateful for all that God has provided. God's timing is so good. I love how much we have grown and changed in the past 2 years. I truly do look forward to what God has in store for my life and the lives of my family members. My parents and Michael's parents have so much to be proud of. They have created a great legacy that I hope to carry on.  

Time

I am sure we have all been told the phrase, "The older you get, the faster time seems to go by" or something along those lines. It's not that I ever doubted any of those people, I just simply thought that certain life events would happen at certain times. I don't think I was delusional. I just believed in the American Dream. You know the one from the 50s. Now, I didn't know it's origin when I was a little girl dreaming up my future, but the idea of a college degree, a job, a marriage, owning a house, and having children all by age 30 sounded GREAT to me. I was sold! Well now that I am 26 looking around at people I know who are around my age attaining these dreams, I wonder what did I do wrong. I want to know their secret to success. With my own reflections and a little research, I ventured through the blog world to see what was going on with other people similar to me. Sure enough there are people out there around my age that haven't achieved the American Dream, yet. I found huge comfort in that new knowledge. Then I was inspired to do a little more researching.
I read some things that I remembered from school, such as,
"After World War II, returning servicemen were given opportunities to put themselves through college, and many of them were the first in their families to earn a degree. Because of this, there was a huge difference in the growing post-war middle class, and its ability to own a house and to provide for their children. America emerged from World War II as the wealthiest and most powerful nation on the planet. There was an economic boom; jobs were available, and America was considered to be a land of opportunity." The first thing I thought about was the current job competition that exists. That competition simply was not a factor then because there were fewer college graduates.

My research yielded one thing that I hadn't ever realized.

After the war, most women returned home, let go from their jobs. Their jobs, again, belonged to men. However, there were lasting effects. Women had proven that they could do the job and within a few decades, women in the workforce became a common sight. An immediate effect is often overlooked. These women had saved much of their wages since there was little to buy during the war. It was this money that helped serve as a down payment for a new home and helped launch the prosperity of the 1950s.

While I knew that the war would have lasting influence on women working outside of the home, I did not realize that part about the saved money. Everything finally started to make sense. The American Dream of the 1950s was achieved under completely different circumstances than what I and other Americans live under. Does that mean I want to give up on that dream? No. I do, on the other hand, think that the time table needs to be altered. Time. That gets me back to my introduction. I read once that time can be a tyrant, ticking away relentlessly in your mind. We must learn to master time, or it will be your master.

I am finally realizing that I don't want time to be my master. If we don't have the best jobs or a house of our own or a baby before I am 30, that's actually OK! My life is uniquely mine. I like it that way (well most days when I stop overly comparing myself to others). I truly have enjoyed these first 2 years of marriage with my best friend. He makes me want to be a better person. He always knows how to make me smile. Some of my favorite memories from these past 2 years are the simple moments and the casual weekends. We love playing rock band together. We love watching our shows together. We love travelling together. He has supported me so much through my first two years of teaching. I have thoroughly enjoyed watching him grow as a coach and a man. I am so proud of him. I am also thankful that he reminds me to enjoy the simple things in life. He really does bring the fun into our relationship.

I have always been the planner. I guess that's why I have been stressing so much about our future. Where will we live? Where we will work? When will we have children? I love dreaming about our future together. If I could just stop right there, I wouldn't have this problem. BUT the dreaming turns into stressing because of my lack of patience. I am also working on trusting God and His timing for my life. I really DO believe God has a bigger plan for my life than I could ever imagine. And that is the promise that I have to rely on. I also want to be more appreciative of what I do have and gain strength from all that I have to be joyful about.

Time will continue to tick away. People will continue to dream. While I know I can't control when my dreams are realized, I can continue to work hard to achieve them. If in the process of growing and learning, I realize my dreams changing, then that's ok too. As long as I am listening to God, being proactive, and staying positive, good things will come. What I have to realize is that sometimes good things come in a very soft whisper.  

 

Who am I?

Ten years ago today I decided that I wanted to be a teacher. I had finished the 9th grade, and I had been truly inspired. I was fortunate enough to have an amazing English teacher who showed me that we could read books and find real-life applications while reading. Not only did I become more passionate about reading and writing, but I was encouraged and inspired by this teacher. I wanted to reach young people the way my teacher did. Unfortunately education has changed quite a bit since I was in the 9th grade. Even if I wanted to do exactly what he did, I simply couldn't for many reasons.

For starters we are different people with different personalities, talents, and flaws. All that aside, the world of education is simply not what it used to be. When I set out to be a teacher, I had no idea what all would be involved. Sure I knew there would be loads of paperwork. Did I under estimate how much? Totally! BUT I had been prepared for that. On the other hand, there were some things I was not at all prepared for. No one told me there were teachers out there that were malicious snakes-in-the-ground always in competition with other teachers. No one told me about the spineless administrators who are controlled by parents who refuse to allow their children to make mistakes, suffer the consequences, and learn valuable lessons. I could go on, but I won't. This is not the intention of this blog. More upsetting than all those things is that no one told me about the fact that there are teenagers who simply don't want help. They do not want someone to help them better their lives. They have been raised in a culture that not only accepts and expects, but also praises settling and handouts. They look for the easy way out at all costs. They do not want to be challenged. If no one had ever challenged me, I would not have the life I have today. I am so grateful for the life I have. I am thankful I had people who challenged and pushed me to try harder and to never give up on my dreams.

My dreams.... I guess that is what brought me to blog today. For the past 10 years, I thought I wanted to be a teacher. Unfortunately my idea of what a teacher is has been altered. I had some really great students. I loved coming up with creative ways to teach them. I loved getting to know them and trying my best to encourage them. I loved reading their journal entries, essays, and research papers. I loved watching them think, question, and discuss. I loved the friends I made with some kind, creative, and thoughtful teachers. I loved prom, football games, my scholar's team, and basketball games. I just worry that all the things I love about teaching are being pushed aside. I started to feel like I was simply a data collector. Instead of being interested in the debates, classroom discussions, and learning my students were doing, the people above me were more concerned that my room was a little messy. I wanted to teach young people how to be productive citizens and how to be a contribution to society and not a liability. That is simply not possible when students are rarely held accountable for their wrong doings. I recently began to wonder if I chose teaching because it was practical and traditional. This had me worried.

I am now on a mission to figure out what I am to be doing with my life. Who am I? Where would my skills and abilities best be applied. I want so much to give back because so much has been given to me. I want more than anything to make a difference. I do not say this lightly. It is something that is constantly on my mind. I think this is why I had such high expectations for my students. If we all realized how blessed we are and wanted to give back and put others first, we could actually make this a better world. Now do I mess up? Do I get selfish? Do I get lazy? Yes. I am completely flawed just like every other human. BUT I want so much to be better. I want so much to help those who feel lost and forgotten. I thought a good place for that would be a school. I just don't know if I was right anymore. Between government researchers, parents, administrators, and malicious teachers who do not care about actually preparing young people to be responsible, productive adults who can handle good and bad situations I just don't know if a school is the place for me. I do know what I am good at. I am good at observing and reading people. I am good at finding different ways to look at things. I am good at writing. I am good at reading and discussing books. I am good at expressing my thoughts. I am good at making people feel comfortable. I am good at planning. I am good at being decisive. I have a good work ethic. I am good at reflecting. I am good at researching. I am good at improvising. Listing these things is not about how amazing I am; it's about me knowing what I am good at. There is an even longer list of things I am not good at, but that list does not help me figure out who I am.

My plan for this summer is to do some soul searching, researching, and discovering of who I am so that I will know what I should be doing. I was given certain abilities, and I want to use those abilities to make a difference in this world. I want my contribution to be the best it can be. I want to reach my full potential. While I realize I won't figure out all the answers to all of the questions in my life, I can certainly begin today trying to figure out where I am needed. I want to serve. I want my life to mean something. I look forward to discovering who I am and who I can be with hard work and determination.